When it's angel instead of when it's human pt.II
More moments of confusion. More moments of clarity.
Getting a rejection letter/email
Human: My day is ruined. My week is ruined. Probably my month will be ruined too. And what about the nightmares? (Both awake and asleep) Stadiums filled with people (some I know, some I don’t), all laughing at me for thinking I could get something I’d desired. Something I’d worked hard for.
Angel: Fuck them.
Angel (for real this time, kind of): Right here, right now is where I want to be. I didn’t like the words on that letter/email, but they’re just that: words. And words, I know them. Words can be exact, broad, many, few, tall, short, early, late. There are many ways of perceiving words. So I can perceive these words in front of me as wrong. People make mistakes. It’s only a matter of time before this person finds out about the one they’d just made.
Going for a run
Human: I think it was Fran Lebowitz who once said life is hard enough, so why would you put yourself through even bigger hardships, such as running?
Angel (or animal): I had been pacing around the studio, unable to understand what was going on (in my life, in my body, in my head, in my manuscript, and many other mines). I said to myself, You can just walk if you don’t feel like running. And so, I went outside. It was excruciatingly hot. I began to pick up my pace. The fast walking turned into jogging, and the jogging turned into running, and the running turned into sprinting. It’s not like I suddenly understood what was going on and all those mines I was talking about. But there was a mighty presence around me, an aroma. My sweat mixed with the scent of jasmine blooms. There was a breeze. And I was a wild animal. Animals have far fewer problems and neuroses than we humans.
Finding out that someone you thought was your friend shares something about your personal/private life with someone you wouldn’t want to have that information