Declaration of dependence
Home Affairs: First dates, defending a friend, the dream of a ranch, digging to find a brighter life, going Premium, a disguise and gigante beans.
For the fourth time this week, I’ve shared a real question disguised as a joke. “Is writing a craft or is it rather a mental disease?” The first time I pronounced that sentence was to a new friend on our first date. She’d told me about her job, upbringing, son, partner, and hometown. A place in California called Inland Empire. I tried my best to keep the focus on her. In a desperate attempt, I brought up David Lynch’s Inland Empire, and she smiled and nodded, but soon after, it happened. The shift. It was my turn to talk about myself.
My son, my husband, my upbringing, my hometown, our move to Miami, and then… my profession. “I’m a writer and director. But writing is more than a craft to me… it feels like a compulsion. I wonder if it’s a mental disease,” I shot and we both laughed immediately. “How so?” she wanted to know more about my pathology. “Well, I go through the world but I’m always half here, half structuring sentences and paragraphs… You know, it’s like a lens that’s always on. I say it’s a disease because I’m cold-hearted… Sometimes. Yeah, I can be distant and glacial. I think it’s because of the space between my life and my writing brain.”
My head felt light from the wine and my heart was beating from the new friendship. As I walked home I thought about my son, music, my dog, the man I married, and the thread that connects them all: me.
My body, my head, my writing compulsion. A thin line that keeps me afloat, no matter what.
It sounds like a great season for friendship because it is. Last week, I had to defend a friend who had received a slap in a group chat. It will sound rich-moms-stupid. But hear me out. We’re in a group chat with other women from the club where we play padel. Some of those women are just like my friend and I -happy to play, but we have other things going on-. But some others are trying to fill the void of existence with racket sports, expensive clothes, and plastic surgery.