Big and small things

That happened in 2025

I made two promises I knew I wouldn’t keep. I learned to make sourdough bread. I said things like: “I can’t, I have an appointment with my son’s vet,” or “Faster! I am dying!”. I wrote a novel. I kept my sourdough starter alive and healthy. I finally subscribed to ChatGPT. I got addicted to benzodiazepines. I got better at detecting who is my friend and who is simply networking. There were no more traces of baby in my son. I made 28 mistakes. I went to a social event filled with people I didn’t know, by myself. I got pregnant. I canceled my subscription to ChatGPT. I watched 23 films, way fewer than the previous year. I understood that everything is both superficial and deep. I lied 38 and a half times. I went to a country that reminded me of the country I was born in and haven’t been able to visit in twenty years. I read 57 books. We made it to four years as a married couple. I studied grammar as though I was a beginner, because I am. I ran to the ER once, believing I was dying. I lost a pregnancy. I decided I don’t want to move back to Barcelona yet. I argued with my husband 52 times. We reconciled after each and every one of those times. I sent 59 newsletters. I saw beautiful things and I didn’t take any pictures of them. One of my literary idols read my work and said it was excellent. I thought they must’ve mistaken me for someone else, but then they said it again. I painfully missed my friends. We drove a thousand miles to see the snow. I decided to quit this newsletter. I drew up a plan to solve my addiction to benzos. I ditched the fear I had of calling people. I started working on what I think will be my second novel. I involuntarily stopped chasing instant reward or praise, I genuinely stopped caring. I fought against laziness. I won the fight 241 times. I lost it 333 times. I got yelled at by a grownup in the street. I yelled at three different grownups in the street. Garment shopping decreased. Book shopping increased. I engaged in 96 imaginary arguments and won all of them. Someone told me I am the funniest person they know. I said I am just the less emotionally stable person they know and that’s what they’re picking up. I made 16 promises I wholeheartedly intended to keep. And I did.

My son and I during his bedtime bath, which consists of touching water with his hands and avoiding all other contact. July 2025, Costa Rica.