43. ask miss Smits *new q&a segment*

Welcome to my new monthly segment. Do I believe in God? Social anxiety. Writing: sober or high? Monogamy?! Disgusting men catcalling you.

Hello, my dear email friends. best friends? best friends! okay, okay, calm down.
What a beautiful Thursday to be awake&alive.

I keep a Google Doc with all of the questions I get from you. I used to answer a selection of those under the title of “pure q&a”. But now things are changing around here. I’d like to get very specific questions. If you want to send some pls drop me a line - or two ; ) → unsolicitedexistence@gmail.com
I’m doubtfully qualified to answer them but I find other people’s problems and conundrums to be a great distraction from my own. I will take time to answer your q’s and solving your p’s -problems-. What could go wrong?
Ehem, I could get canceled? I could give you bad advice that you could apply thus fuck up the situation? I don’t know! Why don’t we find out together? Send me your stuff. I wanna neglect my stuff. And that way stuff will be solved.

Let’s jump right into the ones I found timely and interesting for today’s dispatch!
Please bear in mind I am no professional at anything. Not even being alive and it’s what I’ve been doing my entire life (HAHA clown emoji, not funny, Ale).

Question n. 1: Tips on how to be self-aware but for someone suffering from social anxiety.

Being self-aware is a coin, like any other thing in The Life.*

(*)From now on I’ll refer to Life as The Life, slipping an article there is a statement I’m ready to make.

So, as I was saying… a coin! On one side you have the wonderful opportunity of, as Kylie said, “realizing stuff” about yourself. Observing patterns that don’t help you, the ones that do help you, and a cute yet terrifying space to be honest. Help you grow and re-evaluate who you want to be.
On the other side of the coin is the total MAYHEM that comes along “observing too much, being too little.” You can get lost in introspection. God knows it has happened to me, so many times. Digging with that shovel of self-awareness is a tiring and confusing journey. Of course, the mind is a maze! You get lost every two minutes! So proceed with caution and if you have the means to, someone that can help you find your way home (a friend, a therapist, a family member…)

But if you add in the social anxiety factor… the walk in the park can turn into an instant bad trip.
Social anxiety alone can turn your life into a bad trip. But if that motherfucker catches you in the middle of observing your own mind/behavior… It gets scary and you dissociate. You can isolate yourself from very basic concepts, like, for example: NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE DOING. This is a very important concept to keep in mind every day, at all times. It will not only help you with social anxiety but with almost everything in The Life. I understand you can feel like everyone else has their shit together and everyone is super calm with the fact that they exist. But don’t let them fool you. I’ve had many conversations with many people during The Life, and let me assure you, they have no idea. People are hurt, full of unacknowledged anger and embarrassment, lies, and so on. They all have a shadow. Literally and metaphorically. So chill the fuck up and remember they’re all as lost as you are, if not more.

Another crucial tip would be ADDRESSING HOW YOU ARE FEELING OUT LOUD.
If you’re feeling self-conscious and insecure about not getting a joke or your hair or the jeans you’re wearing, whatever it is, just express it, openly. “LOL, I feel like I’ve lost my brain because I don’t get these jokes”. Boom. Can you feel the weight being lifted by those words? And guess what. If you’re feeling like that, chances are someone else is feeling the exact same way. Just laugh about it. Humor is one of the biggest tools we humans have. Let’s use it more.

And the final tip. If it’s too much to handle…JUST GO HOME Or wherever you feel safe and cozy. Sometimes you just need to relax that muscle and let it rest as it’s getting stronger and stronger. I am a big believer in #CozyVibes or Le Cozé, as I like to call it in the privacy of my home -and now, here, too-. Give yourself a break. Read something nice and light. Watch something you always manage to enjoy. Have some sleep and guess what! Tomorrow will be another day. Because that’s how the Earth works. It rotates and it’s day after day after day after… until you die.

Question n.2: When someone catcalls you what do you do?

This question is one I’ve been pondering on hardcore lately because a couple of days ago I had an incident. The sad part of the incident is that it’s sadly recurrent. It happens to me almost every time I go out for a walk by myself. And let’s face it, it happens to a lot of women. The incident is being harassed, verbally attacked. For me, it’s one of the most uncomfortable things. That’s why I always pretend like I’m having a conversation or I just ignore the names the “guys” are calling me, or whatever atrocity is coming out of their mouths. That’s what I’ve been doing my whole life, ignore and pretend like I can’t hear or see them.
But the other day, the day of the incident, two men in their late thirties were following me, almost touching me as I walked. Yelling at me, asking me if I was alone and if I wanted some company (this was in broad daylight). For a moment I was really scared because I didn’t know if they had guns? (This is something I worry about since moving to Florida). So I kept walking and ignoring. But the car was still next to me. A really nice man came with his SUV and his entire family and helped me out by telling them to fuck off and leave me alone. They left. I went back home and felt anxious but also regretful.

Because I would like to have the courage to stop, look them in the eye, and ask: What do you think is going to happen? That you’re going to ask me if I’m alone, I will tell you “yes, I’m all by myself”. And I’m going to jump in your car and I will suck you and your friends’ dick? Do you think that there’s a slight chance that you might get something sexual from me?

And this question haunts me. What are they really doing when they catcall a woman? So, I don’t know what to do. But I’d love to confront them and really ask them what they want or expect from harassing a woman like that. I’m sure they would be so disoriented and confused they would just leave, unarmed.

But in the meantime, I will keep ignoring them because my only weapon is to make them feel invisible and unnoticed.

Question n. 3: Writing, sober or high?

Good question! Unlike many famous artists and writers, I can only write -like write- write if I’m sober. Although I would scribble down many, MANY, ideas if my consciousness is under an altered state. My recommendation would be to try writing in all kinds of states and learn your ways into your brain. Crack the codes and the boundaries by experimenting. But please, whatever you do, review the work when sober. Once, twice and even three times. And have fun. Writing is so much fun, sober or high : )

Question n. 4: Do you believe in God? How can I?

Yes. I believe in God. What kind of God, well, for sure it’s not some white old dude with a long beard. But a force pushing all things forward? Yes. How would you explain the beauty? How would you explain music? Or ideas. Or magic. Or you for that matter!
How can you explain your body working day and night to keep you alive? There is a force. It’s undeniable. And we can all find that awe and celestial feeling within. That’s what’s keeping us here. At least, that’s my take on the whole God thing.
If you want to find God, I think you just need to look in the mirror, closely. And if you’re asking the question. It looks like you might already have the answer.

Question n.5: Do you believe in monogamy?

I do. But I also believe in polygamy. Do I subscribe to polygamy? Well, no.
However, both are amazing ways of finding a family and connection with another (others) human beings.
Personally, my crazy brain can only take one romantic relationship at a time. And right now, that I felt like I’ve found the one I want to keep for the rest of my life, it feels like more than enough. But it all depends on The Life events and people you encounter. Although I’m finding I’m more traditional than I thought I was.
I just want a husband, children and dogs running around and having brunch, watching movies and talking about how crazy life is in the privacy and comfort of our home <3


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