Her name is Laura Doardo.
We met in my old apartment in Barcelona. I was single-ish. It was September 2018.
Coincidentally, I’d had just returned from a one-month stay in Italy. One of the loveliest holidays I’ve had in my life, for sure.
She came to my apartment because I was renting a room and she had seen my ad on Idealista. Emotionally, I was a mess, I was all over the place. I was a tornado.
I had broken up with my boyfriend of four and a half years in July. August was all about that Italian trip I was telling you about: eating pasta, writing sci-fi stories, drinking wine, and having an unsolicited sexual awakening.
I always wonder where’s the thin line between “personal” and “too personal”.
So… in the middle of realizing I felt sexually attracted to one of my best -female- friends (this was a first for me), meeting a new guy, and mourning a breakup, Laura, a shy but very elegant lady, walked into my life.
Before getting into the nitty-gritty, I think I should set things straight: Her name is Laura Doardo, not Laura Dorado, not Daura Loardo but LAURA DOARDO.
She moved in two days after seeing the apartment. We kept our distance and I could sense she had a vast world living inside of her. Her bedroom was the smallest in the house. But I can guarantee you, it was also the coziest. The times I lied on her bed, crying or supporting her tears, hugging each other.
Conveniently enough, two days ago Laura sent me this:
We used to hug, almost every day. I mean… I started hugging her and showing physical affection first and then she slowly but surely followed. As though one had to be the first “stranger” showing a path we could walk together: we’re not strangers anymore. We live together, we share the kitchen and the bathroom and the living room. We can hug.
She’s extremely talented, I wish I could share the poems she writes, in Italian. She’s a romantic. A real romantic. Loving plants and small objects brings an enormous amount of joy to her soul. She also loves old books, always on the hunt for new ones.
I’m very good at coming up with nice and personalized presents but she’s beyond good. And sometimes the present and the old book meet, her guard angel brings her to the most perfect old book for someone when the person’s birthday is approaching.
Many times I suggested making it a business. Present consultation services.
Would that be a thing?
But she’s busy creating art. Loves photography. And during the 2-month lockdown, she bought a scanner and obsessed over it. I remember seeing her and feeling inspired. Her passion and patience when it comes to creation is gentle and powerful. I thought: this is something you should learn from Laura -who I call Cicci-.
I started calling her Cicci because she started calling me Cicci. It’s funny because “Chichi” in Spanish means pussy. And she didn’t know but I kept calling her that. We ended up being Cicci & Cicci. So naturally, when nicknames appear and they’re only a little proof of the love two human beings have for each other.
A couple of months into calling each other Cicci, I realized she also called another person Cicci. And another. I confronted her, I was jealous.
She laughed. I laughed. But I asked her to stop calling other people Cicci because I wanted to be her one and only Cicci. I think she kept that promise.
She’s from a small town near Venice. I don’t remember the exact name. And I feel embarrassed to ask, so we’ll keep it mysterious.
Dynamics. So important to understand them. I was a crazy force entering the apartment. Sometimes sad and sometimes ecstatic. She could be very moody. But I loved when she was frowning her forehead and closing herself in her bedroom. I would knock on her door. I imagine her sighing, annoyed by my curiosity.
”Are you okay Cicci? Wanna watch a movie?”
Many times she would say “no, thank you” and I would leave. But sometimes she would say “Yay” and we would put something on. If there was a bottle of wine somewhere we would drink it. And if I was feeling like performing for her -10 out of 10 times- I would. Here’s an example of one of the many times I danced for her.
Her attitude is #badass and I have a deep respect for her. She would never add milk to her coffee in the morning.
As I was trying to say... I had many gifts come my way in 2020. And one of those gifts was spending two months and a half with my Cicci in our apartment in Vallcarca, the loveliest neighborhood to live in Barcelona, if I may add.
This one day in May (still in lockdown) we got a fish and we cooked it in the oven with some potatoes and lemon. It was sooo delicious. We started drinking and I took a little bit of LSD, because, well, you know me. (Do you?)
So I ended up convincing her to go on a hike to my favorite Park, La Creueta. She wasn’t feeling like it but she said YES! She said YESSSS!
We arrived there and of course, she stopped to touch and see some plants. Always paying attention to the smallest details. The LSD was kicking in (for me, she never took any with me). I looked at her and took this picture in silence. In awe. Screaming inside: I love this human so much.
One of my favorite from the many projects we did together in the confinement of our apartment is this one:
I wanted to reinterpret the American Beauty poster but with TP. Yeah, yeah. It was at the very beginning of lockdown when people went completely bonkers with toilet paper. It had turned into the most precious item. So she jumped right in and help me build this bed of TP, took the pictures and the video.
I got a lot of hate for creating and posting these pictures and videos. Tone-deaf was the main reason for making us the culprits of a social media semi-scandal.
Well, Laura made me roll all those TP back to their original form so we could use them. And that says a lot about her. She’s a really good human being.
She’s honest. Sometimes extremely honest. And I love that about her.
She’s noble. She has respect for others and always does what she thinks is the right thing. Morally, she follows a personal set of rules, and sometimes she gets the not-so-nice piece of cake because of this. And I admire that about her.
She does the right thing when no one is watching.
But I was in fact, always watching.
(Not in a creepy way, but remember! we used to live together).
She also dances when no one’s watching. And I assume she dances freely, with anger and passion. A la Italiana.
I never share my personal playlists, because they’re too personal and they make me feel extremely vulnerable. But here’s a playlist with all the songs that remind me of Laura. Because we would listen to them in our apartment. I’ve named it Cicci.
Most probably our friendship is a veggie. One of those that make you wonder why something so simple can be so good, so close to God. Like the radicchio Rosso di Treviso I tried because Laura had cooked it in the oven with olive oil and salt. I’m telling you: a direct pathway to the celestial but palpable beauty of all that grows on planet Earth.
Cicci, I know you were not expecting this, but I know you read these newsletters. So I just wanted to say I love you. I miss you and I’m hugging you in the illusion of space. You will always be my Italian girl.
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